Sadly Important

This swirling entity of deep sadness

You want to purge it

Cough it out like lung tar

No matter how hard you cry or how tightly you ball yourself up

How raw your skin gets or how rough your throat is

It is a part of you

The sun will keep passing by warming your tired face

Knowing millions of others feel the same as you when stepping outside

It doesn’t hurt any less

It bites as hard as winter chill

You get pinned down by this sadness

Having to accept it

Having to awkwardly live alongside it

Some days it resides in a far off part of the house

You hardly know it is there

Other days it is manifested right in your face

When you stare in the mirror

It can disappear for a week or even a month

Giving you time to heal

Time to enjoy being alive

But you can always rely on its return

Like an old friend

To remind you to appreciate things more

To understand that being sad

Is a part of everyone’s life

Not to be ashamed at moments of weakness

Sometimes it will come down on you like a fierce storm

Or other times it trickles down like gentle rain

It is pointless fighting it

You can’t slam a door in its face

It is much better

Even with reluctance

To greet this swirling entity of deep sadness

Give it a place to exist

And with time

The visitations might get shorter

Teaching you new things with every stay

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Fictional World

One of my Creative Writing tutors told me that the percentage of writers/artists being depressed is incredible high. I’m beginning to understand why intellectuals and artists are this way.

Since I was young, I always wondered why I was at my happiest getting stuck into a Harry Potter book. But in my youth I was still excited for the future, when I would grow up myself and go on adventures of my own, just like Frodo and Bilbo did. Yet, now I have grown more I lack this enthusiasm for the future. The real world doesn’t have a concise ending. The hero doesn’t win and live happily ever after.

The world isn’t full of evil like described in books. Not pure evil derived from a ‘hell’ or dark magic. People become evil through the way they grow; their environment and influences. There is no such thing as pure evil. People, no matter who they are, are shades of good and bad.

In a way, it is worse than the fictional worlds. You don’t know who the villains are. People aren’t all fighting for freedom or love, money has a stronghold over humanity and it is harming the rest of the world.

The world is random, made of bits of coincidences that have formed into a mutated state of being. It doesn’t follow a narrative structure where everything ends in closure. You can live your whole life and never find that closure.

This is why artists can be the saddest people in the world, because they are constantly trying to escape it. I want to live in the Shire, go to the Green Dragon for a pint and see Gandalf’s fireworks. I don’t want to work for a pile of money that secures me a comfortable position in a nursing home. Reality is too full of disappointments and uncertainties.

http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20141120-the-hobbits-and-the-hippies

This was a great article about Tolkien’s books and what they were to a sub-culture of people in the 60’s and 70’s. I think the books continue to offer this to people. The Shire is a utopia we can never achieve, but can’t help but dream of.

I’m going to New Zealand soon, and hopefully will visit the place where the Peter Jackson filmed The Shire. It will be beautiful and will fuel my imagination, but it will still be me reaching for a different reality.

The best we can do is find happiness.