Sadly Important

This swirling entity of deep sadness

You want to purge it

Cough it out like lung tar

No matter how hard you cry or how tightly you ball yourself up

How raw your skin gets or how rough your throat is

It is a part of you

The sun will keep passing by warming your tired face

Knowing millions of others feel the same as you when stepping outside

It doesn’t hurt any less

It bites as hard as winter chill

You get pinned down by this sadness

Having to accept it

Having to awkwardly live alongside it

Some days it resides in a far off part of the house

You hardly know it is there

Other days it is manifested right in your face

When you stare in the mirror

It can disappear for a week or even a month

Giving you time to heal

Time to enjoy being alive

But you can always rely on its return

Like an old friend

To remind you to appreciate things more

To understand that being sad

Is a part of everyone’s life

Not to be ashamed at moments of weakness

Sometimes it will come down on you like a fierce storm

Or other times it trickles down like gentle rain

It is pointless fighting it

You can’t slam a door in its face

It is much better

Even with reluctance

To greet this swirling entity of deep sadness

Give it a place to exist

And with time

The visitations might get shorter

Teaching you new things with every stay

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All In A Day

Think of the paramedics

As they cling to the wounded

Batting off those angry and confused

By people in uniform

Trying to save a life

Elbows deep in blood

Returning home

Showering off the days work

Letting go of the one who died on the road

Brain leaking out upon arrival

Taking a deep breath

Deciding what to cook for dinner

 

 

Companion

Four years

Sipping cask wine

Basking in fading light

Celebrating our isolation

After decades of stress

Each day promising

Something new

Spontaneity guiding us

A coin flip for North or South

My darling

You have aged with the grace

Of a balmy night breeze

Remember that December

We had Christmas

In a forest

No tinsel or gifts

Just a river

Just our skin

Travel with me further

To the edge of life

For I will always be

Your companion

And the road will

Always be our home

Until the fuel runs out

The Full Moon

the full moon

watched by a silent soul

noting the intensity of its glow

wondering if its an eerie coincidence

that it reminds them of the one they loved

who died ten years ago

as if the universe is giving a poetic reminder

to never let the memory fade

they feel it is a significant moment

with the moon a witness to their grief

the full moon

shines on another

doped up and done with the night

sprawled in a park

preying to anybody that would listen

that they will wake up to see the new day

caught up in the high

the moon catches their eye

a reminder of their loneliness

in the great scheme of things

 

the full moon

it offers itself as a beacon of light

in the literal sense

an icon for romance

and many other metaphors

the audience member

of the world

will listen when we howl

and that is all

2016 Eleanor

Some might say I fell
The word is too quick for what really happened
It was as if a time lapse was taken
Over several months
And years
And I just forgot about the things
That were important to me at fifteen
Unintentional but
I’m trying find that place in my brain
That saw possibility
And power in words
Mostly the power it embedded in me

It’s alright
I’m resigned to what I am
Or at least finding that out every day

Meditation

I tried to meditate, focusing on my breathing,
But my breathing started feeling forced and it became harder to breath.
Than I pictured a lotus flower opening and closing but it started to look like a carnivorous plant, like a cancer.
Then I felt the ground begin to roll beneath me like a ball. Sometimes I would go around with it, otherwise I would just feel it slide on my skin.

The ball took me to a town, showing me a war memorial and then it became my primary school. Teachers were playing tennis in the classrooms. My year one teacher gave me a bear that dissolved into my back.

I was unwillingly stretched to highschool. I was on a conveyor belt that slapped me in the face with briefcases. A cut bled too much like Alice’s tears that filled the whole room. I was drowning in my own blood. The floating was alright.

Then the slide clicked to University, and parties. My smile grew. A moving sun engulfed me and we became a small rotating solar system that burned brightly when closer.