The Struggle

I haven’t posted anything new recently because Uni has started up again and that oh so familiar cortisol kicks in and it feels like you’re trying to walk around  balancing books on your head that keep falling and crushing your feet. Why is it that when things get so stressful that, instead of dealing with your problems, sometimes you ignore them until they become so big and ugly it’s impossible to ignore them anymore. I want to know why some of us just don’t seem to have that frustratingly perfect gene that allows some of us to get ahead with their work, finish it early and submit it with sickeningly sweet smile.

Sometimes I wonder why I go to Uni…the whole point is to help set myself up for a good future right? Even though what I’m studying I mostly get tutors saying: “This field is extremely competitive…”, “Finding work is going to be very hard…”, “You’re going to have to move to Melbourne if you want any sort of chance at getting a job.” Not to mention the horrible looks of pity on peoples faces when I tell them what I study and the classic line: “Will that lead to much?” Basically, from the reactions I’m getting, this really isn’t going to help me much at all. The future looks bleak.

I want what everyone wants: to live a happy life. It’s just hard figuring out what makes you happy and if you can make it happen in comparison in what society deems as normal. Right now, a good weekend for me is getting take-away and watching some TV with my boyfriend. Yes, I want to travel, go out for lunches and shop, so that means I will need money…and to get money means working a 9-5 job. If I’m spending my life working this 9-5 job I hate, it means the majority of life won’t be fun or happy. That’s our ‘lot’. Life isn’t always fun. It’s complicated and we made it that way, otherwise we’d be killing each other basic things like food, water, and shelter…Wait…in a way…aren’t we still doing that?

I apologise for the vant (vent/rant). This is my form of therapy. Hey, it’s either this or slapping people in the face, and hopefully this is a little more bearable. I will have a glass of wine and cheers to you for making it through. 🙂

Photo on 19-03-14 at 7.03 PM

 

Advertisements

Of All Things Life Changing

Always coming to me as my back is turned

The bliss and pain

The sharp strike of emotion

The blunt trauma of numb

A conveyor belt of events one

Is never prepared for

One after the other

Under the bleak black or

The promising blue

You’re clutching hands

You’re clutching roses

Every time handled

With the blind tenacity of a child

The time to panic is when things plateau,

Because change will stalk your every shadow.

Living Uncertainty

Wearing clothes someone else has made
Eating food someone else has grown
Living in a home someone else has built

Does this feel like your life?
Do you feel in control?
How can you be sure this is freedom?
You can’t go wherever you want.
You can’t do everything you want to do.

You were taught algebra and grammar.
You learnt about wars and the achievements of dead people.
You weren’t taught how to live beyond the confines of walls.
Or if life were possible out of reach from satellite connections.

We are supposed to be advanced.
We are the human race that knows ever square inch of earth.
What are we without our guns, our computers, our armour?
We are delicate and defenceless.
Our skin blisters under the sun.
We bleed at the scrape of rock.
We are blind in the dark.

The truth is there is no truth.
We send rockets into space in hope something out there gives us an answer.
In the meantime, we try to cope with the overwhelming fear.
The fear of the unknown.
Or the fear that we will never know.