Untitled, 12/02/2016

Have a laugh with a co-worker in the back room.

Share a glance with a stranger waiting in line for food.

Stay up all night with your friends.

Reminisce your childhood with your parents.

Whisper something you have never said to your lover.

Give a cheeky wink to an overactive toddler.

Help an elderly person with their shopping.

Give a nod to a driver to say thanks for stopping.

You can never know what everyone is thinking

Does not mean there is any less meaning.

As much as hiding away from the world sounds ideal

The shared moments in my life have felt more real.

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Fictional World

One of my Creative Writing tutors told me that the percentage of writers/artists being depressed is incredible high. I’m beginning to understand why intellectuals and artists are this way.

Since I was young, I always wondered why I was at my happiest getting stuck into a Harry Potter book. But in my youth I was still excited for the future, when I would grow up myself and go on adventures of my own, just like Frodo and Bilbo did. Yet, now I have grown more I lack this enthusiasm for the future. The real world doesn’t have a concise ending. The hero doesn’t win and live happily ever after.

The world isn’t full of evil like described in books. Not pure evil derived from a ‘hell’ or dark magic. People become evil through the way they grow; their environment and influences. There is no such thing as pure evil. People, no matter who they are, are shades of good and bad.

In a way, it is worse than the fictional worlds. You don’t know who the villains are. People aren’t all fighting for freedom or love, money has a stronghold over humanity and it is harming the rest of the world.

The world is random, made of bits of coincidences that have formed into a mutated state of being. It doesn’t follow a narrative structure where everything ends in closure. You can live your whole life and never find that closure.

This is why artists can be the saddest people in the world, because they are constantly trying to escape it. I want to live in the Shire, go to the Green Dragon for a pint and see Gandalf’s fireworks. I don’t want to work for a pile of money that secures me a comfortable position in a nursing home. Reality is too full of disappointments and uncertainties.

http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20141120-the-hobbits-and-the-hippies

This was a great article about Tolkien’s books and what they were to a sub-culture of people in the 60’s and 70’s. I think the books continue to offer this to people. The Shire is a utopia we can never achieve, but can’t help but dream of.

I’m going to New Zealand soon, and hopefully will visit the place where the Peter Jackson filmed The Shire. It will be beautiful and will fuel my imagination, but it will still be me reaching for a different reality.

The best we can do is find happiness.

The Road To Success

From some recent conversations with friends, I have found that I’m not representing myself to the fullest during these times. Sometimes, the conversation takes a turn where I feel extremely uncomfortable in, but in fear of causing confrontation I say nothing. I really don’t want to do that anymore. I need to be someone I’m proud of. I can’t do that if I’m not standing behind my beliefs. It’s important to be self reflective because you might unconsciously turn into someone you’re not proud of.
Lately, it seems a few people have been judging those around them based on their level of ‘success’ since leaving high school. They are measuring success based on academic levels, income and living situations. I think success should be determined by how happy the person is, because what’s the point in living ‘successfully’ if you’re not even happy?
Because we might not know these people on a personal level, I don’t think we have the right to say how ‘successful’ they are, because we don’t know their own situations.
To a degree, I was also judged based on my situation, by people who are relatively close to me. I get judged on my field of study in The Arts. People always ask me where it is going to lead, or what the job prospects are when they already know my field is highly competitive. I might not have a definite plan for the next five years, but I do have an idea. I plan to live the way I want to live. One day I might want to do this, the other day I might want to try something else. I’m still figuring it out. The important thing is that I’m happy, and especially happy with who I am. There was a excellent quote from the Daria episode “Gifted” that I watched recently that explains exactly how I feel: “My goal is not to wake up at forty with the bitter realisation that I’ve wasted my life in a job I hate, because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.”
So I’m going to try and be a better person and just be honest with my friends, starting with this post.

The Struggle

I haven’t posted anything new recently because Uni has started up again and that oh so familiar cortisol kicks in and it feels like you’re trying to walk around  balancing books on your head that keep falling and crushing your feet. Why is it that when things get so stressful that, instead of dealing with your problems, sometimes you ignore them until they become so big and ugly it’s impossible to ignore them anymore. I want to know why some of us just don’t seem to have that frustratingly perfect gene that allows some of us to get ahead with their work, finish it early and submit it with sickeningly sweet smile.

Sometimes I wonder why I go to Uni…the whole point is to help set myself up for a good future right? Even though what I’m studying I mostly get tutors saying: “This field is extremely competitive…”, “Finding work is going to be very hard…”, “You’re going to have to move to Melbourne if you want any sort of chance at getting a job.” Not to mention the horrible looks of pity on peoples faces when I tell them what I study and the classic line: “Will that lead to much?” Basically, from the reactions I’m getting, this really isn’t going to help me much at all. The future looks bleak.

I want what everyone wants: to live a happy life. It’s just hard figuring out what makes you happy and if you can make it happen in comparison in what society deems as normal. Right now, a good weekend for me is getting take-away and watching some TV with my boyfriend. Yes, I want to travel, go out for lunches and shop, so that means I will need money…and to get money means working a 9-5 job. If I’m spending my life working this 9-5 job I hate, it means the majority of life won’t be fun or happy. That’s our ‘lot’. Life isn’t always fun. It’s complicated and we made it that way, otherwise we’d be killing each other basic things like food, water, and shelter…Wait…in a way…aren’t we still doing that?

I apologise for the vant (vent/rant). This is my form of therapy. Hey, it’s either this or slapping people in the face, and hopefully this is a little more bearable. I will have a glass of wine and cheers to you for making it through. 🙂

Photo on 19-03-14 at 7.03 PM